lucky thirteen

Thirteen years ago I was in labor delivering my first baby. We were sure the baby was a boy; that's what everyone told us. We chose for the doctor to withhold the gender, so we could be surprised. My pregnancy was amazing and completely uncomplicated other than determining the safest asthma meds. March 3 was the due date for our first baby, but nothing happened other than a false alarm that sent me back home. I remained at work, teaching at Milwaukee High School of the Arts, up to that day. Nothing. the old wives tales elicited unsuccessful results as I walked for miles, scrubbed the kitchen floor a few times, administered reflexology, and even drank Metamucil. I just wanted to meet my baby. Well, the Metamucil harbored an unexpected response in my body while I became violently ill: fever, vomiting, everything. I was whisked immediately from a check up to the hospital; neither baby nor I were handling the illness well.

Dehydrated and running a fever, I was induced. Several hours later with my mom and Dan by my side the whole day, a baby girl entered the world. A girl. But I didn't hold her that night. The nurses took her from me immediately: she was not breathing properly. The angels who tended to me that night wheeled me to the NI CU to see her and brought Polaroid photos of little Alayna all night long.

Alayna recovered and is now thirteen years old. Breathing continued to plague her health throughout the first few years, something passed down to her from me. A few close calls brought paramedics to her rescue, and hospitals stays healed the viruses that plagued her lungs, anaphylactic reactions that swelled her mouth, or stomach flus that dehydrated her beyond simple courses of IVs. But here she is. . . a beautiful, healthy, teenage girl. Still little to me as she continues to grow past my height.

Being Alayna's mom has changed me. I am a better person with her in this world. And the world is a better place with her in it. I can't wait to see the continued unveiling of her spirit in this world.

I don't believe in unlucky thirteen; I don't believe in luck at all. There are blessings, and Alayna is one; being her mom is another.